To Parents & Teachers of Bullies

Parents and Teachers of Bullies,

All to often we focus our attention on how victims can protect themselves at the expense of talking about how to stop bullies.

We all need to be addressing bullies and the parents of bullies -- not just because their children are doing a lot of harm to others.

Parents of bullies are ruining their own children’s lives. And, teachers and coaches may not be helping.

I am a flawed parent and person, but as a social worker, parent and human being, I can tell parents that one of the worst mistakes they can make is let their child grow up unloved, disliked and without the basic social skills to survive in life.

Bullies do not have the basic social skills to be successful in life. Oh, they may feel successful. They may have friends of a certain type. But, they do not have even the most fundamental social skills.

There were bullies on my daughter’s sports teams. I blame the parents (and sometimes coaches) and pity the children. Children growing up with terrible social skills, unable to resolve conflicts, unable to gain admiration, unable to make friends are a tragedy.

In all of the classes and sports my daughter participated in outside school, only one program set behavioral standards (no pushing, for example) and disciplined children for breaking the standards (go to the back of the line). 

I have sat through a lot of children’s activities and I have never seen a coach or teacher of a community program (excepting one) stop children from pushing, shoving, cutting line, shouting, etc. In fact, routinely, aggressive behavior is successful. Maybe teachers and coaches are worn down and the loudest pushiest kid gets the most.

  

To see parents with no concern for the children who are being bullied and with no comprehension that they have handicapped their own child for life? Tragic!

It takes no time for teachers and coaches to say that pushing is rude, shoving hurts feelings, cutting line is unacceptable and then begin at the end of the line – where the most aggressive children are never found.

Some research show that bullies do not have low self esteem – they like themselves; they are bullied at home; and, they are supported by their parents when confronted for their public bullying.

Don’t be that parent. If you child lacks social skills, you have failed as a parent.

Your friend,

Vivian