Dear Parents of Sons:
Here is another great conversation starter! Read this over the dinner table! To your teens! At basketball practice. At football practice!
Here is another great conversation starter! Read this over the dinner table! To your teens! At basketball practice. At football practice!
Only men and boys can stop rape.
I love all parents. What a job. I think we can all do better.
But, only men and boys can stop sexual assault. I do love men and boys. Not a man-hater. Why, my husband is a man!
Our beloved girls and women need to be safe, healthy and happy - free from all forms of sexual assault and all forms of violence and fear.
We love our boys. Don't we want them to be safe, healthy and happy? Out of jail? Out of civil court? No parenthood until adulthood? Strong and moral? Don't we want them to be loved, cherished, admired?
These are my views and my values -- as a human being.
These are my views and my values -- as a human being.
Have you talked with your sons about the sexual molestation, in Steubenville, Ohio recently. Google it -- for the shock of a lifetime. This case is a great starting point for discussion with our boys and with our girls.
Personally, I think boys over the age of 11 know right from wrong. But, let's start drilling in some values anyway. A few parents seem to be lacking!
Personally, I think boys over the age of 11 know right from wrong. But, let's start drilling in some values anyway. A few parents seem to be lacking!
Have you had this talk:
Boys need to know that it is deeply immoral and illegal to have sexual contact (that includes mouth, anus, vagina, breasts, etc) with persons who are intellectually or emotionally impaired, under-aged (defined by law), intoxicated or incapacitated by drugs. Of course, this includes gang molestation and rape.
Read this aloud:
It is wrong and illegal to stick fingers, objects, penises (or tongues) into the mouths, anuses or vaginae of girls who are unconscious or semiconscious; to drag or carry their bodies around like sacks of potatoes or to transport their bodies in automobiles; to take pictures of them or video them; to pee on them; to send pictures & videos to others; to scream with laughter at an unconscious victim being molested.
Yes, it is actually illegal to invade the personal physical boundaries of other people -- especially their sexual, internal, personal, private boundaries. Just a thought.
Do your sons know that threats of violence, even via electronic media, are illegal? Verbal harassment is illegal.
Do your sons know that men have been arrested and convicted for grabbing a woman's buttocks?
Does your boy know that possessing pix of naked girls on his phone or computer put him at risk of possession of pornography or distribution of pornography charges?
Read this aloud:
It is wrong and illegal to stick fingers, objects, penises (or tongues) into the mouths, anuses or vaginae of girls who are unconscious or semiconscious; to drag or carry their bodies around like sacks of potatoes or to transport their bodies in automobiles; to take pictures of them or video them; to pee on them; to send pictures & videos to others; to scream with laughter at an unconscious victim being molested.
Yes, it is actually illegal to invade the personal physical boundaries of other people -- especially their sexual, internal, personal, private boundaries. Just a thought.
Do your sons know that threats of violence, even via electronic media, are illegal? Verbal harassment is illegal.
Do your sons know that men have been arrested and convicted for grabbing a woman's buttocks?
Does your boy know that possessing pix of naked girls on his phone or computer put him at risk of possession of pornography or distribution of pornography charges?
Have you had this talk with your sons -- and daughters:
Witnessing sexual violence (or any violence) and not stopping it or getting help is wrong. Taking pictures or filming such a hideous crime is wrong. Talking about, laughing at and vilifying the victim is wrong. Peeing on the victim is wrong. Telling the name of the victim is wrong. Sharing pictures and video is wrong. Not cooperating with the police is wrong.
Have you had this talk:
Would your son (or daughter) be ready to stop sexual molestation at a party -- or get help?
Have you had this talk:
Shaming the victim and supporting the perpetrators is wrong. Even if they are football players. Even if the team is a winning team. Even if the perpetrators are very, very popular. Shaming the victim and supporting the perps is wrong and shame on anyone who does it.
Ask your son:
What if it were you? What if you were unconscious and a group of boys pulled your pants down and stuck their fingers in your anus, stuck their penises in your anus, Stuck their penises in your mouth? Peed on you? Screamed with laughter. Took pictures! Sent them round to numerous people! Blamed you and called you a slut because of something you did in 9th grade.
Yes, we really do have to tell our teens this. They are not just "picking it up."
Witnessing sexual violence (or any violence) and not stopping it or getting help is wrong. Taking pictures or filming such a hideous crime is wrong. Talking about, laughing at and vilifying the victim is wrong. Peeing on the victim is wrong. Telling the name of the victim is wrong. Sharing pictures and video is wrong. Not cooperating with the police is wrong.
Have you had this talk:
Would your son (or daughter) be ready to stop sexual molestation at a party -- or get help?
Have you had this talk:
Shaming the victim and supporting the perpetrators is wrong. Even if they are football players. Even if the team is a winning team. Even if the perpetrators are very, very popular. Shaming the victim and supporting the perps is wrong and shame on anyone who does it.
Ask your son:
What if it were you? What if you were unconscious and a group of boys pulled your pants down and stuck their fingers in your anus, stuck their penises in your anus, Stuck their penises in your mouth? Peed on you? Screamed with laughter. Took pictures! Sent them round to numerous people! Blamed you and called you a slut because of something you did in 9th grade.
Yes, we really do have to tell our teens this. They are not just "picking it up."
Do you want your son to be arrested for inserting his fingers into the vagina of an unconscious girl at a party? Or having a pic on his phone.
Do you want your son to be arrested for peeing on a girl at a party?
For transporting her unconscious body?
Have the talk. Yes, NOW. BEFORE it happens. Before high school. Are you kidding me?
This is not all that unusual. Even right in your own home town.
Do you want your son to be arrested for peeing on a girl at a party?
For transporting her unconscious body?
Have the talk. Yes, NOW. BEFORE it happens. Before high school. Are you kidding me?
This is not all that unusual. Even right in your own home town.
How about the shame that you would feel just knowing that your son had no moral compass at all.
Yeah, don't even think about blaming the victim. It would not matter if the victim had been sexually adventurous previously or were drunk as a skunk and stark naked on Main and Broadway. You wouldn't expect your son to assault an intoxicated homeless man and steal from him, would you?
And, you wouldn't expect your son to be sodomized if he were drunk and unconscious just because he's not a virgin, would you? Or, would you?
A real man would stop the molestation, cover the victim, call for assistance and testify. Or, if you son or daughter were in danger, get help first.
Yeah, don't even think about blaming the victim. It would not matter if the victim had been sexually adventurous previously or were drunk as a skunk and stark naked on Main and Broadway. You wouldn't expect your son to assault an intoxicated homeless man and steal from him, would you?
And, you wouldn't expect your son to be sodomized if he were drunk and unconscious just because he's not a virgin, would you? Or, would you?
A real man would stop the molestation, cover the victim, call for assistance and testify. Or, if you son or daughter were in danger, get help first.
Of course, being a violent sexual offender wouldn't just ruin the victims' lives -- it would ruin your son's life. And, yours. You and your son would bear the stigma forever.
We need to know the hearts and souls of our sons and learn how to cope with the sexual rage some of them feel and the disdain toward women that many men feel.
Our sons cannot be healthy and happy if they cannot express their sexuality in healthy and safe ways. And, we have not done our jobs if our sons do not know right from wrong and are not ready to stand up for anyone needing help.
It was my goal to find some excellent resources for parents of sons but I could not find any information for parents on educating their sons about sexual coercion and rape. I "Googled" every thing I could think of. I found group programs but nothing for the individual parent.
Programs must be there, but I could not find them.
Love to all,
Vivian
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