Monday, April 8, 2013

Dear Judgmental Assholes

Dear Judgmental Assholes:

I have tried being peaceful and non-judgmental about JA’s for a month. It isn’t working for me.

First, I am going to try to love you into submission and then I am going to slap you. With a heart full of love, I am telling you that by being Judgmental Asshole, you are making a fool of yourself.

You are telling the world that you are an un-educated moron. You are telling the world that you have never been around the block, never been outside your own back yard. You are broadcasting that you are a hick.

Oh, you may be from a big city – in which event you are a city hick. Oh, you may have gone to college. You may have a Ph.D. an M.D., or an M.D., but if you are a JA, you are an uneducated unsophisticated moron.

 Look up “sophisticated.” On-line will do. Here is a definition I like: Aware of and able to interpret complex issues. What is the opposite of complex? Simple! Do you want people to think you are simple?
Another definition: Having acquired worldly knowledge or refinement. Notice the first word was “worldly.” If you know nothing but wine labels or plumbing or contracting, you don’t know shit, Jack. Learn something about the world, or quit talking to me.
I do not want the world to look down on you because I love you, so I am first going to warn you and then I am going to slap you. Go, ahead. Call the police. Make my day. When I tell then what you said, they are going to cuff you, not me.

So, free advice: try your very best to remember something about the person you are talking with. I grew up in Appalachia. It is no secret that I grew up with people going hungry. I went to school with children who were hungry, had no medical care, had no dental care, had no Christmas presents, had no free lunch.

My number one peeve this week: Making fun of people without health & dental care.

People who do not have teeth are not making a fashion statement. They are not too stupid to have teeth. They are not too uneducated to have teeth.

They are too poor to have dental care and have been their entire lives.

You, my friends, who make fun of people who don’t have teeth, who make fun of poor people, who have lived in cities with fluoridated water, who have had dental care, insurance, dental insurance… or simply money, your entire lives are too freakin’ stupid, too intellectually lazy and too uneducated to exercise your lazy-assed brains and hearts. 

So, fair warning. I am slapping the next person that makes fun of people without teeth.
Because I love you too much to see you demean & degrade yourself right in front of my eyes.

All of my love to all of my people.