Thursday, August 1, 2013

Dear Chief and the CapPo

Dear Chief Erwin & the CapPo:

My goodness, you cannot imagine how much I love you! You aren't going to hire trolls to shut down my FB page are you? 

I have a single daughter. Every night I pray that she will marry a man who struts instead of walking; who never smiles; who barks instead of talking; who wear a buzz cut & looks shockingly like a skin-head; who puffs out his chest and harasses... musicians! Oh, my! What a wedding under the chuppa!

I was looking at your Mission Statement, Core Values, Objectives and Commitments.

Nothing there surprised me at all!

You are such manly men and women! I love your hyper-masculinity. You know every mental health professional in the USA is in their hay-day, don't you? Smiling!


"To project an aura of authoritarian power and control that will intimidate everyone everywhere all the time just because we can."

I love it! It is so... inclusive!

And, your Core Values are so... so... Right Wing.


1. Power & Control
2. Testosterone
3. High & tight with painfully close shave
4. Loud deep voices
5. Puffed out chests and puffed up egos

And, my, you have such admirable and macho...


1. To arrest as many visitors to the Capitol as possible.
2. To earn extra points toward promotion by arresting frail elderly people.
3. To earn maximum points by causing the dangerous altos and sopranos to fall by walking too fast or by pushing them down the stairs. Or, tripping them.
4. To impress Republican bosses by tightening the cuffs on the arms of little old ladies and little old men so tight that their arms go to sleep and leave marks on them. 

VERY manly and very sexy!

Well, if I were you, I would have my testosterone levels checked immediately because this sounds counter-phobic. Look it up! It is my professional opinion that you have serious questions about your masculinity and hence, your hyper-masculine behavior. 

I love you as, of course, I love all of the wounded, ill, injured, damaged, misbegotten, ill-informed, ignorant, phony, mongrel, imperfect, inferior, baseborn, mongrels of this imperfect world we live in.

Oh, my dear! I hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings. I do fear that the Cap-Po are giving men a bad name.

Love and peace,