Dear Teeny Weenies: It Is God's Blessing!

Dear Teeny Weenies,

I have been so worried about you! After all, you men never stop thinking about your junk from the moment your itty biity baby fingers find it! I am pretty sure you masturbate in the uterus.

Literacy alert!!! Literacy alert!!! I will be using adult medical terms as well as some very immature words because --- I just cannot help myself. I love funny words!

OK, time for tit for tat. Ahhhh, that has a ring to it. 

Ladies, I am bored with girl talk. Let's talk about boys! MALE REPRODUCTIVE CARE. First, let's just take urology out of the medical lexicon and put politicians in charge of it. I think that men parts and urology should be under the control of women: wives for married men and mothers for single men. And, Our decisions should be implemented by the government and by religion!

 I don't really think men need to see a urologist at all. Just have faith in the Lord. Whatever happens is God's will! That saved some money.

If you balls don't drop til you 45, well, your mother is a really good cook! You will love living at home. This isn't really a medical condition -- that's just nature telling you to slow down!

Except for the case of STD testing. All men who are sexually active or over the age of 14 will have mandatory STD testing every 6 months and the results will be sent to his mother and every girl in his school. YES, because those are the one most affected!

Then, since insurance doesn't pay for birth control and abortion will soon be illegal, all young men will be required to freeze sperm for the future and to have vasectomies. There had been an outbreak of pregnancies and the young people didn't recognize the cause.

PRAISE THE LORD!!! WOMEN ARE FREE!!! 

OH, YES, if a man has an STD, he has a temporary tattoo on his forehead until he finishes treatment! Coooooool!

Should there be a failure of the vasectomy, THE MAN GETS THE BABY!!! TO KEEP! The mother gets the baby on weekends and holidays -- or any time she wishes. The father is required to do... basically every thing women do now only better!

All that peeny weeny stuff--no longer a medical discussion. You don't get enlargements, or facelifts, or splints, or pumps or pills. Dude, that's just mother nature! Urologist don't even go to school!

And, should you somehow endanger a woman, batter her, beat her, burn her, sexually assault her... well, you have to provide and care for her for the rest of her life! With out seeing or knowing where she is. You  break it, you won it: Rent, car, weekly massage.

Your insurance doesn't cover kidney exams, or bladder exams, or prostate exams, or Viagra. So, drink more juice and watch more video.

Now, should you have been a male born with an unfortunate Male Reproductive Health problem, you are out of luck, because insurance companies are just not going to cooperate--they listened to YOU!  

You said you didn't want to pay for treatment that you don't believe in! Well, neither did women! So, if you have an abnormally small penis, or if you have male external organs but female internal organs, or a mix of organs... the Republican Party has screwed you, dude. 

Then of course, Republican men also get raped. Violently. They get battered. Burned, Limbs broken. Knocked unconcious. Given date rape drugs. Raped by boys & men they know and some they don't. Raped by attractive men and repulsive older men with hairy backs and foul breath. They receive internal images -- sometimes leaving scars for life.  JUST LIKE GIRLS.

Now, what if, in addition to all that, after facing the shme that inevitably results -- because no one will ever see you the same again and some people will openly blame you. What if you had to go through a life changing, body changing, emotionally altering, bitter, event that would rip you out of school, out of work, out of your social & family life... and leave you with a living reminder of your rapist. In our current world, the rapist has access to the baby--women have to watch their rape-babies go off with their violent psychopatic fathers. BUT, in our new world, the men do not only have no rights, they have to pay support to the mother or the adoptive parents until the child is 18 -- through secret funds protecting the child and the mom.

Well, I won't even pretend that I am a woman of character. I would claw my eyes out. IF I couldn't have an abortion and remove every reminder of the rape from within my sight immediatly

All my love, Vivian