Dear Perpetrators of Violence--Stop it!

Dear Perpetrators:

I am trying to love perpetrators... because if anyone in the world needs love and assistance in changing, it is perpetrators of violence against women and children.

So, I was reading articles about violence against women and children. Not good to do just before bedtime.

The incredibly high incidence of sexual violence against women and children, including stranger rape, incest, child molestation, and the molestation of women unable to give consent (by age, mental illness, intellectual inability, alcohol or drug consumption) means that many, many men are committing violence against women and children.  

Yes, YOU. Husbands. Fathers. Grandfathers. The boyfriends of mothers of young children. Sons. Brothers. Uncles. YOU are committing violence of all kinds against women and children. 

And, we still live in a dark and dirty world where vast numbers of Neanderthals, that includes women, blame victims. Yes, we live in an ugly, ugly world.

And, you enjoy incredible protection from the political system. The judicial system. The law enforcement system. Your families. Your hunting & fishing & bowling & golf & business &... buddies.  From all the simple-minded folks who only believe what they see: "Well, all I know is that he is a good neighbor. The salt of the earth..."

I read an article about the need to engage you, men, in addressing violence against women. Well... that would be... like... very cool. If men were engaged in addressing violence against women, wouldn't about 90% of violence disappear? Because, men are the perpetrators! Duh!

It occurred to me that you, men, not being concerned and on-board about decreasing violence is like saying that prisoners are not serious about decreasing crime! Really?

And, then you are not afraid. So, you aren't really motivated. Men, you are much less likely to be victims. You aren't worried in parking lots. And very few of you have been assaulted. You don't worry about waking up in the night with a stranger standing over the bed. With a weapon. 

In fact, there is research showing that women are more likely than men to identify domestic violence as an "extremely important" issue..." And, did someone need to research this? So the researcher calls the home of an abuser, "Sir, on a scale of 1 - 10, how concerned are you about domestic abuse as a social issue?"

I think we need to all admit that when every form of violence against women and children is added up, and when we really truly realize that most perpetrators are men, we come to the shocking conclusions:

We have an overwhelming number of violent men all around us and a shocking lack of respect for women. 

Perpetrators of violence are all around us.  And, women also aid and abet you by failing to respect themselves and other women and children. They blame victims and hide your crimes.  Mothers, aunts, sisters, cousins, grandmothers fail to support victims and hold men accountable.

During this election, when I heard politicians talk about abortion, I looked around the room. I knew that a good percentage of women in the room were victims of sexual & other violence including: rape, incest, and other molestation victims. Whether the incidence is 10 or 30% -- that is a lot of horrifying suffering.

And, that means that there were perpetrators in that room. Whether 5 or 30% of the men in the room were perpetrators -- that is the truth we don't want to deal with.

We always talk about victims because we don't want to talk about perpetrators. 

Some man (or more than one) that I know has committed an act of violence against a woman or child. I don't know who this is, but the statistics indicate this to be true. Just as someone you know has been a victim of violence -- whether you know it or not.

In fact, some folks have concluded that messages about what a bad idea violence is should be directed to men! Who knew!?! And, why? Because, you men have room to change! Well, what can I say? Of course, you need to change!

Yes, I agree with researchers! I love research, as always. 

Men! Listen up! YOU need to be actively engaged in ending violence against... anyone & everyone! Especially women, children, and all other living creatures!

End violence now. Talk to your sons, brother, fathers & grandfathers, uncles and buddies-- so you won't have to talk to your daughters. 

Don't be silly and think that just because the guy you play golf with doesn't beat you means he isn't beating his wife. If she says so, believe her and support her.

Your friend,

Vivian