Dear Pregnant Men

Dear Fertile Men:

Time for true confessions. I am a coward and I am sure I am not the only one. That is why I  love strong and responsible men so much!

I am a physical coward; a financial coward; and, an emotional coward...

There is no hardship or challenge or difficulty or hangnail in life that I am going through alone. Not. One.

In my immediate family I have 2 doctors, an attorney, a nurse, a PA, a psychologist and numerous criminal offenders. My childhood Sunday School class have been in prison.

Does peeing on a stick, DNA testing and "paternity suit" mean anything to you?

Here is the deal:

Forget this poopy head stuff about more birth control options being available to women than men.

Forget any poopy head stuff about the owner of the egg being the responsible party -- every tried to tango alone? Or... ever tried to get pregnant alone? 

If I am pregnant, so is the responsible sperm donor. And, his entire family. All of his friends. Metaphorically speaking.

I am notifying you and your parents, with all love in my heart, that you do not want to face a paternity suit and 18 years of child support and negotiations with a crazy woman you met once at the Saloon for Wild and Wooly Wo/men at bar time.

Ohhhhhh... It was an accident! I understand! You were having sex and your car exploded and you had a flat tire and your furnace blew up and...

Sex fiends, man whores and Conservative Religious men: zip it up and quit calling women whores and sluts. Someone is knocking. Go answer your door. You've been served! Haven't you figured out what is causing this, yet?

Love, love, love,
Vivian