Dear Man Whores and Conservatives

Dear Man Whores and Conservatives:

I was reading yet another rant from yet another troll about how, “If you sluts just kept your legs together you wouldn’t have to get abortions because you are so selfish you just want careers and don’t want anything but perfect babies and eggs and tea in China and coffee cake and…”

When it struck me like a blinding light that men are responsible for all pregnancies and all abortions and have the power to solve the problem!

We have a solution! Men, stop impregnating women. It is that simple!

Of course there is no way to stop abortion altogether because there will always be medical emergencies, for mother and fetus.

It is time for men to step up and be the heroes of abortion controversy!

1.   Men, you can completely celibate lives!

Yes, man whores and serious conservatives, for the sake of ending selective abortion, live completely celibate lives. Or…

2.    Have a vasectomy! Already have a child or two? Perfect! The world doesn’t need any more children and neither do you!

3.    Never have unprotected sex. Never. Ever. Ever. With anyone. No matter what.

4.    Always use 2 methods of birth control. This is called The Condom Plus Plan!

5.    Never trust a woman or one method: Use a condom plus oral contraception.

If a woman tells you that she in “on the pill” ask to see the package and check the date of the prescription and check the day the last pill was taken. Ask how long she has been taking the pills and where she receives health care. Now, we will all feel better – after putting on a condom!

6.    Do your own investigating: If a woman tells you she has an IUD, vaginal ring (NuvaRing), gets BC shots, has a BC patch  or implant, ask her what type, who her doctor is, how long she has had it, etc.

In the unlikely event she is using a diaphragm or cervical cap, you must see it to believe it!

Of course, if she isn’t really using any of these methods or isn’t up to date, it will be obvious – if you are a good interrogator. Do you want to have sex with a liar? Of course you do! You will have sex with any moving object.

If she is too impaired by drugs or alcohol to answer your questions, well… now… proceeding to have sex would be rape, wouldn’t it?

7.   Always use a condom plus a supplementary method. So, it may be time to visit the drug store!

8.   So, that leaves female condoms and spermicidal creams, film, foam, gel and suppositories.

And, a condom! Duh!

Now, all of you anti-abortion man-whores and raving conservative religious gentlemen, we have solved the problem of abortion!

You were the cause of abortion all along! Who knew? But, of course, we love you! And, since you love to be the big boys in charge, we put you in charge.

Stop impregnating women.

Your friend,

Vivian