Dear Janesville Cliques

Dear Janesville Cliques:

Yesterday, the Facebook page, Janesville Community Page, posed the question, “Have you found Janesville to be “cliquey? What does that mean to you and what can be done to change that perception?”

I love “Janesville Community Page” and that is a terrific question. But, I would like to change the reality – and, not the perception.

Let me establish my bona fides: In the years between graduating from college and moving to Janesville at age 36, I live in 4 states (East Coast, West Coast and South), hmmm… about 10 towns/cities, 12 dwellings that I can think of and worked at about 7 jobs including internships. I lived in 4 states in 3 years. Head-spinning, right!?!

So… cliquey? Every place on earth is cliquey in the sense that no person, organization or group anywhere wants to share power or money. So, access to power is tight & closed every where. Outsiders may never even know who the power players are in a given location – no matter how long they live there.

Cliquey in the social sense? Of course, Janesville is extremely cliquey. Not because the people are evil, but because there is little movement here. It isn’t a college town. There aren’t 10 big businesses or industries moving people in and out. It isn’t a tourist town. People have been here for decades – no, centuries!

People here socialize with their families and their kindergarten friends. Maybe they expand to include high school friends and the people they work with. Maybe not.

And, people see themselves as very friendly and do not see themselves as cliquey. That is because they are IN THE CLIQUE!

Janesvillains (smiling) are very polite. But, how likely is an outsider to be invited to dinner? To a party? Not very. To meetings, certainly. Not into people’s homes.

I realized that I am so Southern Hospitality Over-Friendly that I scare people -- especially Norwegian Bachelor Farmers, whom I had never heard of before. Yep, those Bachelor Farmers are afraid to make eye contact with me at the county fair. I shake hands too often, make too much eye contact and smile waaaaaayyyyy too much.

And, my husband is a big city Jewish boy. When his family visit (wearing too much jewelry) and we eat at rural supper clubs, people actually stare at us. Still. After 25 years. Yes, we feel right at home.

My husband and I have been to a party and a wedding where no one spoke to us and our hosts never introduced us to anyone. NOT. ONE. PERSON. SPOKE. 

Few people in Janesville “work a party” – greet guests, introduce them to others or walk the room making conversation.  None of our neighbors in Middleton, one location in Madison, nor in Janesville introduced themselves to us when we moved in. When I introduced myself to my neighbors in J’ville, only one family was friendly. One woman stood blocking the door and peering around the corner. Some people cried at Newcomers Club.

So, 25 years later, here I am. I have met people and made wonderful friends. But, I would advise anyone whose first impression is negative, and who doesn’t have to stay, to go. If you love Janesville at first sight, by all means, stay!

I made wonderful friends homeschooling and in the Democratic Party.

So, hell yes, Janesville is cliquey! So, if you are a Janesvillain, OPEN SESAME! Say, “Hello!” to everyone, of course! Greet everyone – not just your old Kindergarten friends. Greet your new neighbors. Invite people besides your first cousins to your parties. Greet people at your own parties, meetings and organizations! Smile! Smile at people that you have met even if you didn’t go to high school together. This is a cold hard place! Make it easier.

Oh, now, don’t be mad! I love you.

And, as for the other municipalities in Rock County, don’t be smug! Yes, Beloit, you are cliquey and unfriendly, too! Farther north? Madison? Oh, puleeeeeeeeeeze! Madison, you are just full of yourself, but at least there is a lot of coming and going so it is possible to meet people.

Say, “Hello!” Janesville!

Vivian