Dear Everyone: Let's Lead with Love

Dear Everyone:

[Please feel free to contribute to this conversation if you like.]

Today there was a shooting at an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut. Twenty children were shot. Is that really true? I actually cannot comprehend that. Six adults. My heart goes out to the parents, families, and the entire community. They have my condolences.

A recent shooting at a Sikh Temple here in Wisconsin. The theater in Colorado. Columbine some years ago. Incompresheniible.

So, we all are trying desperately to come to some understanding about how and why these things happen and how to prevent future horrors like this. I am quoting a woman from Newtown: "Let's lead with love."

It is time to change and so let's lead with love.

Previously, we all swore to make changes to prevent such future happenings and then forgot our promises to ourselves and our children.

We search for perfect solutions and forget that we could improve safety for our children and citizens 100% by focusing on reducing the likelihood of violence -- there are no perfect solution.

We search for solutions in one area of life (school security, gun laws, parenting, etc) and forget that violence is a complicated subject and requires a multi-faceted solution.

There will always be sociopaths, freak accidents, evil, and inexplicable behavior. That is the nature of life. But, there are many things we can do as a society and as individuals to decrease violence in our lives and in the lives of children.

DECREASE THE LIKELIHOOD OF CHILDREN GROWING UP TO BE VIOLENT:

Parents must be accountable to keep children safe and keep them in a safe environment. Do not abuse them or punish them harshly -- and do not allow anyone else to do so. Do not abuse their mothers or siblings or elders. Do not abuse pets or animals. If you do so, you are increasing the likelihood that they will have psychological problems.

Parents, do not abuse alcohol or drugs. If you are doing so, you are endangering your children.

Families, keep children stable & secure. Provide them with basic food, clothing and shelter.

We must be our brothers'& sisters' keeper. If you are aware of children or women who are being abused, who are not safe, or who do not have basic necessities, find out how to help them. 

Protect your children from the people that you date and from the insecurities of your dating life.

Protect your children from divorce and from any violence or insecurity from divorce.

Get help to provide the best possible care for your children -- from friends and family or agencies & professionals if needed including mental health treatment. 

Teach your children that "children cannot solve other children's problems." Make sure your children know to tell you about any problems other children tell them about.

Don't cover up violence, abuse, incest, suicide threats, etc.in your family or among your friends. Get help on how to be helpful. 

Spend more time with your children and their friends. Cook, play games, bake, bowl, walk, bike, read, watch good movies, sing, etc.

Actively teach your children social skills: how to "meet & greet" people, carry on conversations, talk to adults, make phone calls, negotiate problems, resolve conflicts... how to "lose" and how to "win" ...

Take parenting classes.


 STOP OUR LOVE AFFAIR WITH VIOLENCE TODAY 

Actively teach your children that violence is not romantic, glamorous, sexy, etc. Show your children and teens how violence is romanticized in our culture.

Fall out of love with violence and guns. Look at your TV schedule and your local movie page in the newspaper: We are in love with violence. We need a new fascination. Show this to your children.

Limit your child's TV, movies, and video games. 

WE NEED POLITICAL SOLUTIONS: LET'S STOP SAYING "DON'T POLITICIZE THESE TRAGEDIES AND POLITICIZE THE HELL OUT OF THEM

Let's be reasonable & intelligent about guns and gun control laws.  Demand action from politicians.

a. Let's all stand up to the NRA and start taking steps toward specific and sane gun control laws. Write them every day. If you don't know what to say, copy this page and send it to them.

b. Write every one of your lawmakers every day until we change gun laws.

c. There must be better coverage for mental health services by insurance companies.

d. The law must be changed so that master's level counselors are required to receive supervision from a psychologist or psychiatrist.


THE PUBLIC NEEDS A MUCH BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF MENTAL ILLNESS AND TREATMENT.

AS A SOCIETY WE HAVE TO MAKE A COMMITMENT TO: 
+MUCH EASIER ACCESS TO MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES,
+MORE AFFORDABLE MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES,
+MUCH MORE EASILY AVAILABLE MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES,
+MUCH MORE ACCURATELY TARGETED MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES.

If your a child has serious problems at home, at school, with other children, etc. s/he needs a psychological assessment as well as a physical examination to rule out physical illness. This is not an assessment from the school, a pediatrician or a counselor but an assessment from a clinical psychologist.

Mental illness is real and the need for mental health treatment is a real need that affects not only individuals and families but sometimes entire communities. The cost of  not treating mental illness and alcohol and drug abuse is simply overwhelming.

Mental illness is not about being unhappy, or sad, or not liking your new job. I wish everyone that wanted to could talk to a counselor any time but that is not a necessity.  Every child with a serious emotional, cognitive, or behavioral problem has to get the right services from the right professional as a necessity.

If you think someone you know is a danger to themselves or others, get help. Get advice on how to do so from a mental health professional or agency.

So, these are a few very obvious very general ideas. Maybe the single most important thing we could do is fall out of love with guns and violence.

Love, 

Vivian